Scrooge?

So the countdown to Christmas has officially begun.
Walking into our house you will instantly be accosted with the sounds of Grant shouting "mommy buy me that" at every commercial break on TV.
We have a stack, an actual STACK of toy magazine and sale flyers that my boys look through and highlight what they want. Now remember they are 3 and 19 months and they are already in the "buy me that" stage.
I have been asked my family already what we would like for Christmas. For the boys – it is easy. I already have a healthy list form the "buy me that" suggestions. It is easy for me to tell other people what to buy my boys. What I don't say out loud is that I am afraid of what WE will buy our boys.
The extra income just is not there for the Christmas I had planned. I will be able to swing presents under the tree but nothing we can provide will live up to the boys' expectations. That breaks my heart. I know other people are in much worse situations but I am new to this and in my eyes not being able to give my boys everything they want breaks my heart. Literally.
I am also slightly sick to my stomach about my own Christmas list. My mom has been quazi-stalking me for if for a while. And if I am going to be real honest here, which I try to do on this blog, I think it is absolutely ridiculous that I would ask for anything for Christmas when we are running so low on money. The idea of getting a new purse or clothes is so insane when I get anxiety attacks when I check out at the grocery store.
What do I want for Christmas? I would like the peace of mind that everything will be OK. I want my husband to feel better about our situation and to land the job of his dreams. I want this to all go away. I also wouldn't mind if Jason's Deli failed a health inspection and closed down. A girl can dream right?