Debbie Downer (a reflection on birth order)

Does your oldest child already act like an oldest?

I ask this because I wonder when I first fell into my role as the "oldest."

Last night was my sister Emma's bachelorette party. Emma is number 5 out of our clan of 10. She for all intensive purposes the middle child. She fills the role to a T. The baby of our family, Kurt is in fact a giant baby. Now don't get me wrong I love Kurt so very much but he is a 5'5 10 year old baby.

I have read some studies on birth order and I am a class oldest. Every aspect of my personality can be attributed to being the oldest of my family. Now I look at Grant and wonder if he is destined for the same fate.

I say this because being the oldest is something you never outgrow. It had advantages when we were little. I always got to ride in the front seat and my toys were always new. As an adult it was neat to be the first to graduate college, get married, and have kids. But as an adult I have found the advantages to become fewer and further between.

Case in point: last night. As I said, it was my sister's bachelorette party. All of my sisters ( well 4 of them – Carla is not of legal age to drink), my mom, and two friends hit the town. It became very clear, very fast, that I would be the oldest one, aka the responsible one. I made sure (to the best of my ability) that everyone was in control and appropriate (although Paula gave me a run for my money). In other words I had NO FUN. But I am the oldest. That is my job.

Birth order can be a bitch sometimes. I often have to be the voice of reason among all the crazies. Last night would have made a great episode on a reality series. We were like the Kardashians with smaller butts.

Bad mom…lessoned learned.

One calendar week has gone by. I have not sent out Grant's thank you for his birthday party.

Bad mom.

I did not have them designed ahead of time. First mistake.

Bad mom.

I did not have stamps ready to go. That was #2.

Bad mom.

I must send them out on Monday in order to save my reputation. I must.

Good mom...well here's hoping anyway.

Food for thought…

Personal confession….I am jealous of all the newly pregnant/almost ready to deliver moms out there. I feel like EVERYONE is pregnant except me.

Does this mean I am ready for number 3? I can't imagine it right now. The thought actually kind of scares me. After Grant I knew I wanted another baby right away. I could not get pregnant fast enough. Grant was 9 months old when we were blessed to find out I was pregnant with Carter.

I LOVE being pregnant. I feel like it is one of the very few things I am actually good at (I am not totally sure you can be "good" at being pregnant). It is a time I really enjoy, and it is not just about the food (although I do LOVE the food part). I just love growing a tiny baby and anticipating the birth. It is absolutely my favorite thing….but right now I am scared to be outnumbered.

What really sucks is that I am not really at an age to delay expanding our family. I will be at least 31 when the next one is born, or older. I always thought I wanted four kids. I am at a stage at my life where I consider altering my life plan?

While pregnant with Carter I just assumed I would have another baby right away. But that urge just didn't kick in as strong after his birth.

Is this sudden pang of jealous a sign that I am ready for number 3 or simply a play of peer pressure, following the everyone is doing it mentality?

It is something to think about….

A note on the GROSS….proceed with caution.

There are many things as a mom you find gross but learn to handle.

I feel like I have tackled most of them pretty seamlessly.

I met my match last night….

I can't deal with poop. Specifically poop in underpants.

I gag.

I heave.

I can't do it. I really can't. I just threw everything away. Sorry Mother Earth. I have drawn the line.