Fumbs Up

There are certain characteristics that every mom hopes their child will inherit.
For me there are traits I was hoping would skip a generation.
my obnoxious height
frompy hair
poor math skills
Well Grant was dealt a bad hand, or I guess it is more appropriate to say he was dealt a bad thumb.
He has inherited my Trigger Thumbs.
When I was under 2 years old I had to have surgery to release the tendons in my thumbs to make them fully functional.
It came to my attention a few weeks ago that Grant may suffer from the same problem.
We were playing thumb war or as he says "fumb war" and he said "Look mommy my fumb is broken. It won't go up" and he was right it wouldn't go up. His left thumb was locked into place at the first joint.
I called the pediatrician, she referred me to a pediatric orthopedists. We had an appointment and surgery is scheduled on December 1, Paw-Paws 60^th birthday so I'm sure that is a good sign.
As you can imagine I am nervous about my little guy being put under and having surgery but he is super excited about giving me a fumbs up when it is all over.
I love you buddy!

When it Rains it Pours

I don't want sympathy. I most definitely do not want pity.
I just need to get it all out there.
My recent blog posts have been about life handing you a lemon….
I have used various takes on this cliché to fit our current situation.
Well here is another one.
When it rains it pours.
My grandma always said bad things happen in 3. Here is our recent breakdown:

1. October 8 Casey loses his job
2. October 18 Casey hospitalized for pneumonia
3. October 23 I discover Grant has a trigger thumb which will require surgery.He has his first consultation on 11/8

I have quit saying "well it could be worse" because it keeps getting worse.
Casey is still so very sick which is making it very hard for him to look for jobs. He went on an interview yesterday and it wiped him out. He has probably lost 15 pounds. He is too sick to do this, but he has to for his family and for himself.
His pride and his immune system have been damaged.
I hate to see him go through this.
So how do I feel…
I am still so angry and shocked that we are in this situation. I am in a constant state of panic attack. I wake up with my heart beating out of my chest. My anxiety is off the charts. Writing this now I feel like I could cry.
This is just such a humbling experience, to watch every penny spent.
I am 30 years old and my mom and dad paid my son's tuition for the month. When I found out that they had done that for me I cried. My parents not only take care of me, but they are now taking care of my kids. It breaks my heart. I am so very thankful, but I can't help but be sad. This is my life.
As I said before I know there is a light at the end of this crappy tunnel. I have to believe that. I know we are going to emerge a better family and couple at the end of this. IT WILL BE OK. I tell myself that, I tell my boys that, I tell my parents that. Now I just have to believe it.

Love and Hope in Tiny Packages

Anyone who is a mom of boys knows that is can be tough.

They are crazy.

And I love them like crazy.
Since my guys are close in age I have always had the hope that they will grow up to be best friends.
The awesome part is I see that relationship forming already.
When they are not fighting over the train set or the last chicken nugget, you can see they truly care about each other.
Those moments melt my heart and make me realize that although I question myself as a mother almost on a daily basis I am doing something right.
My boys love me and love each other.
At the end of the day when I contemplate my current life status, I see areas of my life literally falling apart in front of my eyes.
My boys love….real unconditional love gives me faith in our family's future.
I gave them life.
They have changed mine.

I have 2 little guys, 18 months apart.

I have the bruises to prove it.
I am always told by random ignorant strangers "Boy you have your hands full."
My boys are full of energy, very determined, and already extremely opinionated.
They play rough.
They break the rules.
They push my patience to the absolute limit.

Soccer Saturday #2

I consider this an improvement from last week. I made myself feel better with the following points:

• He is on the field

• He is by the goal

• He is near a ball

• He is within earshot of the rest of the team

The other parents are telling me to "hang in there." Their kids are not unconscious on the field, easy for them to say.

We will miss next week's soccer extravaganza since my sister is getting married. The next session we go to we will be attending the "mommy and me" session. Clearly we are not ready to play with the big boys.

PS- I hate soccer. I hate all sports. Having to play soccer, even with my 3 year old is going to be painful and embarrassing….for both of us. Prayers and sympathy welcome.

Soccer Saturday

If a picture is worth a thousand words this should sum up our first soccer experience.

Yes that is my son lying on the field. That is the extent of his participation. Best $130 I ever spent.

A note on the GROSS….proceed with caution.

There are many things as a mom you find gross but learn to handle.

I feel like I have tackled most of them pretty seamlessly.

I met my match last night….

I can't deal with poop. Specifically poop in underpants.

I gag.

I heave.

I can't do it. I really can't. I just threw everything away. Sorry Mother Earth. I have drawn the line.

Don’t Blink

I expected to have a long blog entry ready to go. I expected to recount the tears and the true horror I experienced. But I have none of that.

Grant went to his first day of preschool yesterday.

And it was easy!!! He was a total "adult" about going to school. He was excited, happy, and social. When it was time for me to leave I got a hug and "I love you mommy." That was it. I hung out in the hall with all the other pathetic moms waiting for the other shoe to drop, but it never did. Grant not only survived but he THRIVED in this new experience and I could not be more shocked and proud at the same time.

Someone at work told me I will blink and I will be dropping him off at college. Yesterday as I walked away from his classroom alone, with tears in my eyes, I was careful not to blink.

Minivan Moments

Let me set the scene. Grant, Carter and I on the way home from Grammy's house today.

Grant: Mommy, why we stopping?

Me: What color is the light?

Grant: Red

Me: What does red mean?

Grant: Stop

Me: And we are in traffic buddy.

Grant: I hate traffic.

Me: Me too buddy

Grant: Yeah mommy. True that.

I LOVE this age!!! Grant is turning 3 in September and he is just so much fun. We have (hopefully) navigated the terrible twos and are smoothly sailing into the KICK ASS threes!! Grant I know you are going to become a big boy one day but I hope you never lose your goof ball personality!

OCD like me?

For awhile now I have been thinking that I may have a slight problem with OCD. Now I am most definitely not touching every doorknob or washing my hands 2,000 times a day but I have a few "quirks" that have led me to wonder if there is something going on here.

What are my quirks you may ask? Well they seem to focus around cleaning. I am a freak about it. Now I am not a neat freak by definition but I LOVE to clean. Specifically vacuum. I cannot go to bed without vacuuming every night. The carpet needs to have vacuum lines on it and I have to be the last one to walk on it. According to my research and the ½ of a master degree I have in counseling, OCD is defined as an obsession/compulsion that impairs everyday life. So what happens if for some freak reason I do not get to vacuum? Well I won't drop dead, I can sleep at night, but when I wake up and have to get the day started I feel anxious and I have to clean. I cannot have the boys wake up to a messy house. Every night before bed I must vacuum the family room, sweep and vacuum the kitchen, wipe down the counters and table, load the dishwasher, and clean the sink. My clothes have to be out for the next day along with the boy's clothes. And then I may rest. This behavior does not bother me. It is just how I work and how I like things run, however it drives Casey insane which in turn makes him think I am just a little bit crazy. Being just a little crazy is OK with me, most of the people I know are just a little bit crazy in one way or another and that is what keeps things interesting.

My issue with myself diagnosed OCD is that it is now rubbing off on Grant. He is slowly becoming a mini me in many ways. He hates mess, he organizes his toys, he won't walk in the house with his shoes on, and must always wash his hands and turn off the light after he uses the potty. He is a little man after my own heart but I wonder if I am making him weird. I don't want him running around the playground crying because his hands are dirty or because some kid messed up his lineup of trains. Is it OK for him to be OCD like me? No matter how this shakes out I know one thing for sure. Grant is going to make on HELL of a husband so ladies lock up your daughters.

PS- I just realized I said vacuum like 20 times in this post so that be a clear indication that there is a problem here!!!

Milestones

This is not really a blog post, it is a mental note. Something for me to reflect back on.

We have had a pretty big week. I am in the middle of my "staycation." I have been off work since June 30. To be honest I am LOVING being at home and I feel so very lucky that I have been able to experience some pretty major milestones with my boys. This is a shout-out to stay at home moms. Remember how lucky you are to be with your children every day. I know it is a tough job but I am so very jealous.

Anyway onto the milestones.

A little potty talk…

Grant started potty training this week. I was praying that this would be the one thing he caught on to really quickly. He was a slower walker and an even slower talker. He just likes to do things at his own pace. He is now running around like a crazy man and his vocabulary has been so advanced that we now have indepth conversations about all the character in Thomas the Train and the monsters that apparently reside in his room. I did not want to put any pressure on Grant but again I was praying that this potty training thing would be a piece of cake. However we got off to a rocky start. He hated the potty, he cried for his diaper…you get the picture. I promised him he could pick out any toy at the store if he used the potty (I know bribing is not endorsed by all the parenting know-it-alls out there, but I do what works) and guess what….it worked!!! Last night he went potty (July 5, 2010)!!!

Today he has consistently used the potty and even did a #2 (July 6. 2010) without any bribes or pleading from me (the #2 is TMI I know but again this is for family record).

Now I literally just read an article in Parenting that was all about celebrating your second child's accomplishments with equal or greater enthusiasm than your first so this one is for you Barter Boy…

Making strides…

For weeks, especially since summer has started I have begged Carter to please start walking. Like his brother he seemed to take this task on at his own pace. He is such a little stinker. I would watch his am I am still pretty sure that he has know how to walk for quite some time now. He simply did not want to do it. He would scoot his little but everywhere. At the pool he would act like a submarine and try to crawl under the water. He would scoot along the concrete to avoid knee injury. This kid knew what he was doing. Despite my pleas with him to walk he just would not do it. I told my mom I wish he understood money because I would totally pay him for his first step. I was worried that his walking would finally take off and I would be at work. My mom would be the one to congratulate him and give him all the kisses and praise. These are moments that I treasure and I desperately want to take part in, so I was so very please when Carter decided to get down to business.

This week Carter has started walking!!! As of yesterday, July 5, 2010 I am calling him an official walker. It is still not his 100% preferred mode of transportation but the kid can do it. My baby is walking and I am so very proud of him. His 15 month check-up is tomorrow and I am so happy that I can report that he is a walker. Way to go Barter Boy…you make mommy proud!!!

* Note to Carter: Grant did not get a blog post about his first step so this makes you extra special!!!

Boys- I am so happy to be able to spend this time with you. I am so proud to be your mom. Even though you drive me crazy sometimes, being your mom is the most wonderful thing that has ever happened to me. Thanks for being such wonderful kids.

Play Ball…

Tonight my little guy is at his very first baseball game with his dad. I have to wonder, when did this happen? When did he get old enough for this? I'm sure other moms can relate to this…there are times when I look at my two boys and I can catch a glimpse, just a glimpse, of what they are going to look like as big boys. I see their little man faces poking out behind the baby eyes looking at me. When this happens I get goose bumps. I can see them growing up right before my eyes.

The other night they were in the tubby, being absolutely crazy as usual. I was tired; it was the end of a long day. I was ready to dry those two boys off and throw them in bed. I was counting the minutes until I had a single moment to myself. Then Grant said, "Hey mommy look at us." I looked and they were both standing up in the tub smiling at me. I had an official mom moment and right then it didn't matter that I had worked all day, had a two hour commute, and had tortilla chips and diet coke all day. What mattered was these two little boys, soaking wet, smiling at me.

Moments like the tubby make me realize that my tiny little guys are only little for such a short amount of time. People tell me this constantly, but I do not really get it until I experience it for myself. I see this a lot with Grant lately. He is almost 3, full of opinions and little quirks. We are currently trying to tackle potty training and that is another blog post so stay tuned. Carter, although he is walking, is still a baby. He is limited in communication but a snuggler at heart.
They are growing up right before my eyes and I have to make a conscious effort to take a moment. Too often I get caught up in the crap of my day and lose sight of what is really important. Their names are Grant and Carter and they are my heart.